In for some rocky times

Well, today’s the day for pop’s first service.  This particular service is more for the residents of the retirement community rather than the family so it is not exactly the “big one”.  All the same, being the *first* service for pop things are bound to get hyper emotional for myself, my mother, and my grandmother.  All three of us have written a small euology type thing to say.

It is currently 0842 hours here and I will start prepping around 1100 giving myself a good shave, and pressing my outfit.  I struggled to select an outfit in “dress down” mode as I tend to pride myself in looking incredibly well dressed.  I have also purposely kept my reading short and somewhat less personal as I will mourn in my own internal way.

Oddly, this morning I find myself somewhat detatched, not sure if this is by choice or subconsciously.  Perhaps I will reflect on this after everything settles.  Even after this trip I look forward to a whole slew of emotional duress surrounding not only my own situation with the DUI but also surrounding the actual interment of the ashes.

Family “infighting”, people from the past, my own insecurities, health of those around me, finances, work, hah!  Makes me think of Bill Hicks who did a standup comedy bit about fatalistic thinking, “war famine death aids”.  Look it up on youtube for a good laugh!

Anywhoo, off to face the day.

.oO-The Conversational Onion-Oo.

Puttering works for me!

The last few days have been quite interesting for me, I would not dare say they have gone “well” nor would I say that anything was the end of the world.  I think mid afternoon yesterday was perhaps the worst with several things finally sinking in for my fragile brain stem.

The loss of my grandfather while expected and prepared for was the worst by far.  This man was my hero and my guide of sorts, and while we had our talks when I last saw him about the fact that it would most likely be the final visit I still find a “hole” in life now.  Timing dealt me a second blow when I found myself in county jail the very next day and, while expected due to the nature of DUI charges here it was still more than frustrating.

Then we sprinkle a little bit of my aunt and uncles “tennant” or rather freeloading house guest on top of the cake of life, serve it up with a bowl of ice cold “recovering from recent relapse” and things get scary.  Aunt and uncle returned from visiting pop during his last hours both sick as all get out and my wife and mother in law are dealing with even more landlord issues (which is why I cannot be there currently).  In the famous words of Eek the cat “Ack”!

So this morning I woke up and thought “now what?”.  I decided to fall back on the two things that have managed to get me through this week to this morning and keep on that line until I either die or find a better way.  I’m focusing on the idea that when my time comes I want to be able to say in earnest that I have not had a drink since my grandfather passed, this is number one!  Number two is to keep my brain and hands busy!

And so I putter, figuring material requirements and costs to get power to a sub panel in uncles workshed, cooking for everyone, washing my linens, raking the landscape gravel, and later I’ll most likely vaccuum the floors and brush the dogs.  Who knows, I might even build something out of wood later.

I just know I need to keep busy right now, for my sake and the sake of those around me.  And while I still find myself cringing everytime “Bob” wanders through looking over my shoulder I might actually do something nice for him too.  Because I’m selfish like that!  Keep looking over my shoulder Bob!  I just might put my purple fist in your face hole.

oO-The Conversational Onion-Oo

An unplanned post, for the love of dog

Initially, when I first set this blog up I envisioned myself doing a few posts a month; maybe a few a week at best and found myself not posting at all for a great amount of time.  Today I figured on a daily post whether short or long if possible but find myself doing a second post today, and for good reason (though I’ll probably get lambasted for the next paragraph).

Most who know me to any small degree will know that I am openly atheist, this is to mean that I simply do not beleive that a god or gods do or do not exist.  Nothing more, nothing less!  I reserve my right to this non-opinion as I have actually been Catholic not once but twice (yes confirmed no less).  This is not to say that I dislike theists, in fact I have many theists in my life whom I hold dear as friends and family as well as acquaitances alike and I pride myself in studying theistic texts (currently comparing 3 bible versions and introducing myselt to the quran (Koran).

Why do I bring this up?  Aside from the general idea that any reader will inevitably find this out I came across an event that happened to one of my favorite atheist speakers just this Tuesday.  Seth Andrews has had a profoundly positive impact on my life and attitude and just Tuesday he lost a beloved family member Henry, his rescue dog.

We atheists are often seen in a bad light or with no “moral compass” but I assure you this is far from the case.  Seth, in his rememberance of Henry has taken it upon himself to set up a gofundme to purchase a new rescue van for his local shelter!  I am a massive proponent of rescue animals having myself volunteered at my local shelter as well as having a wonderful rescue of my own (who is absolutely wonderful) and so I thought I would at least post some links here in the event that perhaps some drive by reader may be willing to help.  And remember, one does not have to be atheist to help (or to tune in to seth’s thinking atheist youtube channel for that matter).

So here we go with the linkage, it should be stated Seth’s original announcement was that he was hoping to raise at least $15000.00 for a newish van and at the time of this post he is at $17,482 with a revised goal of $25,000 to get something much more robust!

Remembering Henry Gofundme

Seth Andrews Website

Thinking Atheist Youtube

So there you have it, and I hope you theist readers out there can forgive me for being a heathen!

oO-The Conversational Onion-Oo

Life Happens, Deal

So life has been a tad busy with general goings on as well as that wonderful holiday season (which drives me insane).  I’ve decided with the most recent events that I should probably actually *start* blogging rather than leave this space completely blank so here we go with the most recent goings on in my interesting life.

The most impacting and probably most difficult event I have and will ever deal with happened Monday night (the night before last).  I should preface this with a quick explanation.  I have always been incredibly close to my grandfather on my mothers side, this man practically raised me and has been my absolute hero all of my life.  I like to think that I received my core values, work ethic, and intelligence from this man.

The basic intro being stated, Monday night my grandfather passed away.  We received word last week that he had fallen and was in the hospital with a brain bleed, all of the family with the exception of myself made way to Arizona to see him.  Unfortunately I had a court date yesterday and was unable to go.  I did have the chance to see him a few months ago and am happy for that, I was able to make peace with his inevitable passing prior to this week.

Luckily my wonderful wife and loving life partner has been incredibly supportive.  I have been battling alcoholism for a long while now and could have easily gone off the rails.  I could have lost all semblance of sanity and dropped into incredible depression doing who knows what.  Instead I’ve looked forward, happy that I made peace ahead of time and releived that my grandfather is no longer in pain.

Unfortunately the hit’s just kept coming, I was hopeful to get an extension on when I need to report to the county jail for my mandatory jail time (associated with a DUI) during my sentencing yesterday.  Well, life handed me more lemons and I found myself being booked in yesterday afternoon.

When life gives you lemons, take them!  Free stuff is always great.

I’ve always used the quote above during times when life has not been so great, yesterday was no exception.  Again my wonderful wife to the rescue who immediately started the process to get me out on bond.  I reported to court at 1:30 PM and arrived back home at 1:30AM this morning.  Phew, it’s not that I fear or want to avoid the jail time as I earned that punishment.  The issue lies in that with everyone gone I need to take care of two dogs and of course watch over family members home.

Timing timing timing… such is life!  So I finalized my bond paperwork today and have begun the process to take care of business if you will as it pertains to my probation, jail time, and all the wonderful stuff I brought on to myself by making poor decisions.  It may seem like I am whining a little bit here but far from it;  I know my grandfather would have wanted me to “man up” and take care of my responsibilities.

So I’ll close this post with a few basic thoughts that are floating around my brain pan simmering in a mixture of grey matter and cerebral spinal fluid (yes that is a thing, in fact it leaks out my ears!!).

• The absolute best way I can honor my grandfather is never to drink again.
• As a secondary way to honor pops I need to tackle my responsibilities ASAP.
• I’m horrible as it comes to matters of procrastination, I need to work on this.
• My wife is an amazing woman and I better get her something good for valentines!

Enjoy life everyone, even when it gets a little difficult!

oO-The Conversational Onion-Oo